Glam.

  Dante Gabriel Rossetti The Day Dream
Dante Gabriel Rossetti
The Day Dream

The city looked like a chess board and this time I was playing black. It was my turn and I slipped into a cobble stone street between the buildings. If I had not been there, the street would be empty but you were there too and if only there was any power to erase the memory of your heart beating!  There is not such power… yet, there is a different kind, more known as glam. Something like magic but not exactly. It takes a second to perform it, it is like being electrocuted or like mixing two chemical ingredients.  I might not like the chemical aspect of this experiment but I do like the magical aspect of it. Magic is elusive, translucent and evasive. In order to perform it, one has to pay attention to the elegance of the detail. I am still not sure about my glam powers, I feel like they might backfire or betray me exactly when I need them the most. Like last night. Deep down I knew my glam was back, it was there burning hot inside of me. I know I need to learn how to control it, I cannot unleash it upon the world and let it run loose, enveloping the buildings, mixing up the cards that they have been perfectly arranged in someone’s hands, swirling in the air pretending to be autumn leaves or snowflakes or raindrops or dust in the sunlight. I have to be careful, I have to know more about it. The only problem is, sometimes I cannot wait, I used it and then have to pay for the consequences. Apparently glam makes you vulnerable when you are using  and it affects others at the same time. It affects you first before you can see its affect on others. I have not realized it yet but it happens in a split moment and it should be timed right. I have never timed it right so far, it either hurts someone else or it hurts me. Sometimes I want to get rid of it all together but apparently it is something you are entitled to, some might even say it is a privilege. I myself, am not sure whether it is a curse or a blessing. A couple of times it came in handy and I used it well but what I did not expect is what if someone has glam too and knows about it more than I do, what then? In some cultures it is seen as witchcraft but here it is a gift which you need to master and appreciate, you are not supposed to show it off and you have to be subtle and honest about it. If you have a glam you admit it humbly if no one asks you keep it to yourself . Apparently, I failed on all fronts.I have never experienced anyone using glam against me. It seems it is the first time ever that I happened to be a  victim of my own strength. I come home and sink into the armchair feeling utterly exhausted. This is strange, I do not even have an armchair. One more late night latte  and we meet at the bottom of the cup. I am trying to reassure myself that I am not afraid of this power anymore. I  am still not sure about its limits  but I  am  more aware of who I am.  Chestnut rain, woollen blanket and an empty sky full of crimson leaves from all over the world.

I walk around the city observing people, is it possible to tell who has glam just by looking at them? I doubt it unless I use a little glam myself ans see their true colours. Now, true colours is not just an expression it is more of the reflection of what is real. The expression true colours is spot on, when I used glam I can see people’s thoughts in colours, their inner state, it has shades, it has a certain palette, with more experience I will learn not recognise and identify it. We truly break in into other people lives with glam and then it is very difficult to let go or leave without taking anything.

I walk like this every day observing people until one day I feel exactly the same as when I am about to use my glam only I am not using anything. I turn around and do not  see anyone but the feeling continues. Glam, glam, glam it burns and I answer back, I sense static and it is a bit scary because it is much stronger than it normally is. I look around and still do not see anyone. I want to walk faster but I am glued to the spot. So this is what happened last night, heartbeat and glam and I was glued to the spot and could not do anything about it.

All I need is a little glam and then I can erase the previous night, the chess board, the heart beat.  Yesterday, I was a black queen on the chess board, today I am a white pawn, does not this happen to everyone? If I had not been there, would you still be there? It is something like magic but not exactly, it is a glam. Glam! And the lights are lit. Glam! And your coffee is hot again. Glam! And you are not alone. Glam! And you are alone when you want it. Glam! And you are gone to return when you want to be back. Glam! And the piece of paper is not wrinkled anymore. Glam! And I forget the heart beat. Glam, glam, glam, I guess it does not work every time.

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